Sometimes I wonder what this day/time/moment would look like if Maura’s immune system didn’t turn on her last February.  Then I get really upset with the powers that be and challenge all those that say things happen for a reason to look my four year-old in the eyes and tell her there is a really good reason for her to go through all of this.

We found out this month that she now has cataracts, a side effect from the prednisone, that, unlike the weight gain, will not go away when the medicine does.  That was definitely a moment that made me question the purpose of all of this.  I already knew she was smart and resilient.  I already knew she had a heart of gold.  I didn’t need to see her go through this to know that and she didn’t need to go through this to have those things.  I know many people may still try to convince me that there is a purpose and there is a reason, but until they’ve looked this into the face of their child, I’m probably not going to listen.   It doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith, entirely the opposite.  Just a different perspective.  And I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.  We have to get up everyday and still raise a child who chooses to be kind, and to try her best, even though she’s been dealt a truly unfair hand at quite an early age.  That’s currently our daily purpose, so not that different than before, just possibly a much harder task considering everything.

And as she clings to us I have to be grateful too, at how well she has responded to the medicine, how amazing her specialist, pediatrician, therapist, and child life specialists are, how the valet workers at the hospital have taken the time to learn her name and treat her special and make those weekly visits just a bit easier.  I know we are not the only family facing challenges and my heart aches for the other families, especially those with uncertain futures, so we try our best to enjoy what we have and have as “normal” a life as possible. And when the rain comes, we’ll just get out our umbrellas and dance in the rain (even if we’re in our pajamas…)

We had a fun visit to the pumpkin farm – including pumpkin bowling, a corn box, and a 1200 pound pumpkin.

This one makes my heart melt.

And it wouldn’t be October happenings if there weren’t a few Halloween photos.  Of course I didn’t get any good ones of the costume complete with wig and bow and arrow, but these are surly her, no doubt about that.